The UK’s big six energy firms were given the cold shoulder this Valentine’s Day.
On Monday, the Energy Services Ombudsman penned a poem called “It’s not me, it’s you” and it went something like this:
“I admit it appalled me / that day you first cold-called me / but you charmed me / won me over / told me I would be in clover.”
On it goes for 18 stanzas, accusing the likes of npower and E.on of neglect, high tariffs and game-playing.
E.on responded yesterday, also in verse.
Here are a few choice snippets:
“You’re right, it’s me, I’ve done some wrong / I’ve been bad at explaining for far too long / Please don’t forget all the things I've done right / I’ve kept your house warm and kept on the lights / And all of that, it comes at a price / It would be free if it could, wouldn’t that be nice?”
Three can play at this game:
“In reply to E.on, I’ll rhyme a bit / Don’t give up the day job, just get better at it.”
= Steak to the heart =
Ad nauseam. Yesterday corporates jumped aboard the love bandwagon.
Adam Bates, KPMG’s head of risk (you’d think he’d know better) tweeted: “Happy Valentines Day Everybody - live with passion at #KPMG Risk Consulting.”
Vinculum fund managers sent out cards. According to the memo received by the Daily Telegraph “love is... performance related.”
But one small businessman in Tewksbury had heart.
Anthony Bowness, a butcher recommended by the EBLEX (organisation for beef and lamb levy payers in England) crafted a bouquet from sirloin steak.
At £15 a bunch it’s not as cheesy as 12 red roses and much cheaper than the florists.
= Petals test the mettle =
Not everyone embraced the spirit of St Valentine.
A secret agent tells me the Old War Office, home to the Ministry of Defence, would not accept flowers yesterday in the “interests of national security.”
The MoD aren’t lovers, they’re fighters.
= Brian's bottom line =
Is that a wad of cash in your pocket, Brian Magnus, or are you just pleased to see me?
The former head of UK investment banking at Morgan Stanley (EUREX: DWDF.EX - news) , and now boss of European equities at the bank, has sunk a decade of earnings into an underwear start-up called Got Wood.
Let’s try to keep this clean.
The men’s briefs, made of bamboo material and Spandex, have anti-bacterial properties. The pants are available for £15.99 a pair.
With bonuses now capped at Morgan Stanley, let’s hope that Got Wood isn’t a bum investment for Brian.
= FA chief's own goal =
The Football Association is still deliberating over the appointment of the next England manager.
Last week Italian gaffer Fabio Capello announced his immediate resignation.
In response a few members of the national squad tweeted their desire for an English England manager.
The FA echoed this.
Chairman, David Bernstein, stated: “There is a preference for an English or British person.”
Perhaps Mr Bernstein needs to re-equate himself with the corporate waffle on his website.
“The FA Group is an equal opportunity employer.”
= News Corp, honestly =
The web page sets out the company’s “standards of business conduct”.
It reads “we are at all times truthful and accurate.”
And “we don’t offer, give, solicit or accept bribes or kickbacks.”
Somewhat undermined by the recent arrests of journalists from News Corp-owned tabloid, The Sun , who allegedly paid contacts.
It could be a sign - just not necessarily a good one.
According to my man in the braces, the Six Nations trophy is on display in the Royal Bank of Scotland’s City branch.
“As close as the Scots are likely to get to the cup,” goads the banker.